Whenever I meet new people they eventually ask: "So, what are you doing (for a living)?" and it's always been kind of difficult to answer for me as it often requires long explanations if that person is really interested. 

Recently I came up with a rather sharp (at least that's what I think) reply: "I teach men how to - effectively - slap their wife's butt when she behaves badly... aaand I show them how to do it in a way so that she loves him more for it."

That, naturally, raises some eye-brows, plus also the further question: "What's a woman's bad behavior?" (Some women actually ask that with a real grim look on their face.)

I just stepped over a perfect example the other day: I was having breakfast with my wife in this nice little terrace cafe near our place. Up drives a medium sized BMW and parks right in front. A mid-aged woman steps out from the passenger's side, shuts the door, walks straight into the cafe, selects a table and sits down - never turning back even once.

Behind her, apparently her husband, steps out of the car on the driver's side, double-checks if everything is alright with the parking-position, locks the car and walks after her. They did not appear to be in an quarrel or fight, which maybe would have provided a good reason for this behavior. Once he arrived at the table as well, everything appeared "normal".

See, most people would not even realize anything wrong in this situation (Maybe you had to be there to clearly understand it). But think of it the other way: Men steps out of the car, does not turn around to look after his wife, walks straight into the cafe, sits down and waits that she finally shows up. Now, I guess, the picture looks quite disturbing.

To me, this is enormously bad and disrespectful behavior of a woman towards her man (my wife, by the way, totally agrees). I would have expected her to turn around (preferably with a smile on her face), wait until he walks around the car and enter the scene together with him. Maybe I'm too sensitive.

I think there is probably quite a band-width as to what really bad behavior is (and while I am writing this I do not exclude that men also have lots of quirks). While some are quite sensitive, others are more tolerant.

Here are a few examples that I have learned over time to be quite sensitive about:

1) Couple in shopping mall, she out for shopping, he enjoys a cup of whatever in a coffee shop while reading the papers and waiting for her, she comes back, he pays, after that she presses her entire shopping bag collection into his hands and walking off carrying nothing but a happy smile on her face.

2) She inviting a group of her close friends into a fancy restaurant automatically assuming he will pick up the total bill.

3) She orders food in a restaurant automatically assuming that she is entitled to switch meals with him in case she doesn't like hers or grabbing over and picking out the french fries, one after the other, without ever needing to ask.

4) Intentionally ignoring when talked to.

5) ...

Now, I'm not saying that all this should not be. It's really perfectly fine if you help her with her shopping bags, if you pay for her friend's dinners and whatever have you. In face, I love to do those things for my wife (occasionally). 

The disrespect comes in, however, when it is automatically assumed and taken for granted. That those things are for her to take, not for you to give. That she feels it's ok to not ask if it's alright for him. 

Good thing, that, when you add a little humor and sensitivity into it, you can easily find ways to conquer those issues. Even in a way so that she loves you more for it.

Let me know what you think.

One major complaint from husbands about their wife that I step over again and again is that she seems not as sexually available as he would like her to be.

Men then quickly assume that their wife "just doesn't need it". Bad luck. With it they get their believes from teenage-years reconfirmed that "Women are just not as sexual as men." 

Well, here's my take on it: It is a reality that women are conditioned to hide their sexual urges, especially when they are young. And that for a good reason: There is a - very real - social punishment awaiting those who are labeled a "slut". Those women, although they appeal very much to a man's short-term sexual strategy, do have a - very real - critically reduced chance to find a life-partner of high genetic quality to mate with. Her instincts are fully aware of that fact.

(By the way, a modern woman's independence and newfound sexual freedom does not make this instinct go away!)

Therefore, being a "hard-to-get" is a powerful and important strategy for women, not only to test the man upon his sincerity, but also to put her own qualities in the right light for potential mates. It helps her to move up in ranks in the genetic pool.

But once in a secure haven (usually marriage), a woman should be able to unleash the inner sexual demons. For that to happen, however, two crucially important things have to be established in your marriage. If your wife still continues to have reasons to avoid being intimate, there is a good chance you fail in either one or both of this two areas:

1) You've got to be sexually attractive. Yes, this is about your physical qualities, but not only (and most often not even mainly). You can flick a woman's sexual attraction switches even quicker through certain character traits. Many men misunderstand that. It is essential to learn what it is that your wife feels sexually drawn to - and know that there are lots of things. If she's alive, she is sexual. We are genetically programed that way and it is natural to all of us, men and women. Be, however, aware of the fact that women often marry men they do not feel sexually attracted to at all in first place. It is not necessarily a primary condition for her to get involved with you.

2) She must be able to have the unshakable trust in you that opening up to you sexually does not have bad (genetic) consequences for her. This also includes, instinctively, to keep her options for serious high-quality mating alive should you ever for any reason decide to run out of her. One of the top qualities in this resort is a strong personality that is unaffected by others (even by her). Wives test their husbands every day without the guys ever realizing it (therefore most of the times failing it).

If you can get those two aspects right, your woman will go anywhere with you, also sexually. If not, no pleading, begging or even threatening will ever help you.

By the way: "Opening" a woman "up", sexually, is a skill that has really very little to do with how sophisticated you are in licking her clit, finding her g-spot or the size of your penis. If that's what you are working on, you're in the wrong corner.

Find out how to become more sexually attractive yourself. Then get her to trust that opening up to you is safe thing for her to do (genetically). When you find that position with her you will quickly realize that you do not have to "sell" her anything anymore. She suddenly wants to "buy".

So, I finally got myself to do it: I've set up a blog. I have always been reluctant to do so, but do have to realize at some point that there are just too many every-day events and behaviors which I pick up (or fall into, myself) again and again and which add the extra challenge to our love-lives. 

With experience I also come to the conclusion that those are often situations which relate to many marriages and partnerships out there and which might often be worth and helpful sharing. (While never revealing identities, of course!)

As it happened, I recently had the opportunity to email-meet a close friend from old days again. PS he mentioned that he's probably moving out, just feeling regrets because of the kids.

I got back to him and asked what he meant by "probably". I also mentioned that I got a few tricks up my sleeves in case "probably" means he still has the door half open. He got back to me and said that it is to 90% certain now. He was just waiting for a sign from his wife, but had to wait for too long already so he made his final decision now. 

I have to admit that, now that I blog about his situation, I have no inside information. We haven't met for years and I might make false assumptions about one or the other point. Still, I read some tendencies out of his emails that reveal a pattern which I see often and which is most likely quite dominating in his relationship.

1) The Nr 1 masculine quality: Decisiveness - making clear decisions. It is hard sometimes and often a step into the uncertain. But it is also an expression of courage and that is sexy. "... PROBABLY moving out ...", "... final decision to 90% ...", I assume this is not only a issue he came up yesterday, but very likely hanging over him for years already. And life for the entire family is not getting easier that way. Either decision is better than no decision. Either 100% (not 90%) and certainly (not probably) moving out, or 100% (not 10%) and certainly (not probably not) moving IN. And by that I mean unleashing one's full power and taking massive action to improve one's partnership.

Making a decision is really a very simple, clear process: Gather all information, which is usually done much faster than we think, and when there is no more information to be gathered, decide - and take action upon decision. Anything else is just fear of failure or general mental laziness.

2) "waiting for a sign from my wife". Waiting is NOT a very masculine quality. A MAN takes over full control and full responsibility and ACTS, not waits.

I just found this example worth sharing as I step over indecisiveness all the time -particularly from the male side - as a major source for friction.

And, hey, once you've read that, don't just click on. Let me know what you think. It's easy: drop a comment below.